Crying Helps

Oh God, I think my will and spirit just collapsed today. I couldnt bear the pain, the heartache, the sorrow.. I even felt like quitting school. The emphasis goes to the word "like" ...
Well, it started out like this..

As usual, I arrived at the mosque early. I did my sunnah prayers and sat down, waiting for Danish and the others. In time, Abdul Rahman Aziz, Ali, Luqman Hakim and Danish came and accompanied me. I was busy doing my work, giving up after 15 minutes. At that time, I was doing my physics work. I moaned and protested about how hard maths and science was becoming. Luqman Hakim told me that switching back to combined science was an option.. a suggestion which I took for a complete insult. I took my bag and left.

After the assembly and all, I reached to my class, still having Luqman's sayings in my head. I shook them off and got ready for lessons. Some few minutes later, Shaakira and Aza stood next to the door, asking me to pass a gift to Danish. Great.. Somehow, I had a thought that they wanted to meet me but nevermind. The next 3 and a half hours which followed were filled with outrageous bursts of laughter and uncontrollable giggling. Sitting with my group is always entertaining and today, they proved to entertain me again.

However, chemistry lessons insued, at which the numbers and equations boggled my mind. Things got worse when Mr Muneer showed us our exam timetables. To my displeasure, the academic subjects were the first to be taken. Not to mention, on one of the days, there were 3 exams. Geography, physics and chemistry. I was lost for words..

Recess proved to be a slight breather for me. The reality of it all was this. Exams are coming and I gotta start revising now. Man, it was a slap in the face. I got back upstairs with plenty of time to spare. Whilst waiting for recess to end, I talked with Bukhari. Suddenly, he went off, probably minding some other guy. I was kinda sad and I dont know why but I punched the wall ... in a hilarious way, of course. But then, the stress of everything seemed to pile on me right at that single moment and I cried. Right then and there, in the corridor, I cried. Immediately, Farid and Adam went to my aid. They tried to comfort me, asked me what was wrong. I dont know, I just kept on crying. Since recess was over anyway, I got back to class..

Malay lessons were on. The malay oral was still taking place so we had free period. During this time, Muzzamil was in our class cause he had to write a letter of some sort for Cikgu Zulkifli. So anyway, I was completing my letter assignment when the back group of guys started making noise. Even the girls were getting noisier. Somehow, I tried to hold back but Liyana kept on telling me to tell them to keep quiet. Then suddenly, the noise level got to such an extent, I raised my voice and the whole class went on mute. I felt quite guilty afterwards cause I mentioned Danish's name which came out unintentionally.

Before Zuhr prayers, I apologised to Danish who wouldnt even look at me. I felt even more hurt.. After prayers, I apologised to Danish again in class and he explained that he wasnt really mad at me. I still felt guilty and deep down inside, I felt foolish. I ran to the toilet and cried even more.. Cried and cried till I couldnt cry. I went back to class and spent an hour in Ustd Salehin's arabic class. At the end of the lesson, he noticed that I looked miserable. I faked a smile and walked away..

So at the end of the day, I spent my afternoon in the lift lobby beside the canteen, studying chemistry. Oh... how I wish I had more time to do everything. All I want now is to have 7 days of rest in school.. and to talk with that special someone. Talk to me, will you? Cause your voice enlightens me..
Wassalam..