Miserable

Thunder rolled above, lightning crackled. Coupled together, they mimicked the worst of me. Waking up in the morning was bad enough without having to remember about the day's events. It was Saturday.. the IMG badminton games play-offs..

Naturally, I would've seemed pumped with excitement. Instead, a deep sense of loathing grew within me, knowing that I wouldnt be there to play but to take pictures. Sighing deeply, I got out of bed and got ready to leave..

In about a half hour's time, I was all packed. Even as I left the house, it drizzled on endlessly. The mood was set for bitterness. Checking the time, I knew I wouldnt reach Al-Arabiah in time. Gritting my teeth was all I could do as I waited for Bus No. 57 to arrive. As soon as it did, I boarded hastily, followed by 4 Wak Tanjong boys. Ignoring them, I just waited..

I reached the school just as the players were given a briefing. Then and there, my spirit seemed to crumble, knowing that I should have been amongst them.. and not looking on from one side.
Everyone made their way to the court and as soon as we arrived, the games started. I watched with great excitement and undying hatred. Deep down, I was fighting with myself to maintain composure..

Near the end of the last round, I willed myself not to be negative. I sought the enemy's weak areas and, as difficult as it was for me, I helped my friends win. It was great to see them win but really, I was dying inside..

I saw my friends smiling and laughing. I could see my teachers, with ecstatic expressions on their faces. And me, I was miserable.. News came to me that Irsyad's netballers won too. Good for them, I thought. The fire inside me died even more.. Everyone was happy with me out of the picture..

With the end of the games, all the Irsyadians went back to school to have lunch. The moment we reached school, I made my way to the mosque with the intention of being alone. After Zuhr, everyone was gone. And so, I made my home, alone.. with a slight drizzle, an eerie silence and a very, very sad feeling lingering around..