Demoralized

First of all, let me start of by wishing everyone a happy Eid celebrations! I just wanna say that I know I may have been annoying, disturbing, attention-seeking and all that. So, I just ask that you forgive me for any wrongdoings I may have done... after all, I am human.
Well, the day then. Its Wednesday, so there was always Tilawah. I was so tired but I read anyway during my turn. Did my Dhuha prayers with Abdul Rahman Abd Aziz and Hafizuddeen. At the end of the first recess, Hafizuddeen asked me if I could do him a favor. Ok... he asked me if I could be an emcee (Is this how its spelled?) for the friday celebrations. I nodded and acted as if this was something normal. However, inside, I was jumping up and down, eager to do it. Hurun Ain and Syaira asked who I wanted to partner with. Anyone, I said.
Class started with Fiqh. 1 and a half hour listening about 'Taukiilul Wakiil'. It wasnt so bad. I did however get sleepy near the end of it. Tried my best to wake up. I changed states every few seconds, sometimes awake, sometimes sleeping. Sigh...
We didnt continue yesterday's movie of 'Slumdog Millionare' during English lesson. Ms Amnah asked for volunteers to help her sort some papers from the Primary 1 Level. Either that or we had to do a composition on disasters. I chose the composition... why? Cause if we finished helping Ms Amnah, we still had to do the composition. And anyway, I wanted to do the writing. I wrote a story of myself as one of the dying victims in the Mt. Vesuvius eruption. More like a written vision of the person. I completed it already, two pages and I didnt leave a line. But, Muhammad asked about my story and Ms Amnah said it was wrong. Talk about a waste of time and ink...
During Geography, Mr Ismail talked about the impacts of droughts. Here, I was in my double-state again... but I pulled through. We finished the movie 'Perfect Storm' during Lughah classes and did some translation during Tafsir class.
It was in White Space Period that the rehearsals for the Friday performances took place. I went up first for the principal scene. I was the principal and I had only two lines to say. When I went back to my seat, Hafizuddeen asked if this was my only scene. I nodded. I asked him why but he said it was nothing. Few minutes later, the breaking news came. Hafizuddeen I wasnt the emcee anymore... seems that my services werent needed anymore in this school event. It so happens that the first two emcees were both guys. The second two emcees were girls and the third couple was also girls. I was supposed to be in the fourth one. It so happens that I was supposed to be paired up with Husnina but Mdm Faizah thought otherwise. I was 'kicked out' and replaced by Adawiyah. My smile disappeared completely. Farid was assuring me that it was ok, everything was fine. Outside, I acted a bit disappointed. Inside, the warmth of excitement itself crumbled and my will to smile and laugh was gone. My one shot to be a huge part of a school event and it gets tossed out the window. I mean, whats wrong? Last year, during the same event, the emcees were Rifqi, Nur and Sofiah. Whats so different then that its not allowed now?
I cooled down after a while but I was so demoralized. I felt fiery rage and a cold sadness swirling inside my heart. Its ok, I thought to myself. Assembly time... everyone left and I sweeped Secondary 3 Andalusia's floors. I did my best but everytime I cleaned the class, it would become worse the next day. I kept the broom and dustpan and went to do my Asr prayers with Bukhari. Yes, I know... I skipped rehearsals. Relax, two lines wont be too hard. Bukhari and I hanged out at the mosque and talked at the canteen afterwards. I really felt better talking to him. He kinda understood me.
Oh yeah, I remember the quote Cikgu Iskandar told the class the other day...
"The years you spend as a teenager will shape who you are in the future"
Good, eh?
Well then...
Wassalam...