Losing It

Im losing it...
I feel as if... as if Im only a shell
Like the light in me has gone out
Where has the time gone?
I've come to the understanding that changes are occurring, but its just going too fast. I also feel alone... Has Allah left me because of my unfaithfulness? I fear for myself. I am an evil unto myself. I have been wretched not by my surroundings but by myown weakness. I have succumbed and lost battles. The war in me seems inevitable. Why?
Rasulullah s.a.w struggled to spread Islam and yet I am not keeping true to it. I dream of great achievements. And yet, the simple things in life... I cannot grasp the simpleness of what Allah s.w.t has asked from me. I feel so low... even lower than the lowest of non-Muslims. I compensate by the thought that I have all the time in the world. But I know now, that isn't true. I know I will come to terms with my parents' deaths. I know I too will come to terms with death and meet the Almighty. But will be good enough for Him?
Sigh... I will not give up. For giving up is a sign of a non-Muslim. I... will try. I... can only hope that I can withstand a whole life's struggle. Will the weak shine?
Only time will tell...
Wassalam